As I watch your silhouette fading away through the airport’s door,
I stumble down on my knees,
I play music, I cry like a baby because you’re not here with me anymore,
and probably you never will be.
An Atlantic distance between the two of us,
I know, it would make it a challenge.
As spring explodes in the shadow of the castle,
I sit alone in the sun you’ve seen,
as a dog barks and old souls hope for a better future.
Though spring is here for me it’s still September,
flowers bloom only on Arthur’s Seat.
People and stories go by,
and I can only think of you, of your sweet smile,
of your accent while speaking,
of the way you move when you show me things,
of your irresistible shyness.
Then a crossroad,
the drunk night of feelings,
and you already plan your next trip.
I see the green meadows in the sunshade,
I see us, holding hands, walking peacefully
creating the seed of infinite.
A dream, an illusion,
while life leads us astray,
and I still can recall your voice,
that fragile moment before it disappears in the flow.
And then I plan, I try to figure out what could I do,
to be that special man, to be the privileged,
who could kiss you under the castle’s hill.
A simple request from you,
a smell reaching my nose,
I trust the words I’ve been spoken,
can you give me a glimpse of hope?
Traveling on the rainy road,
in the flashing light of the cars,
staring at the blue of the sky,
that sad gray nuance I get used to.
intense colors hit my sight,
friends and frozen moments.
I can’t believe you’re not by my side anymore,
and I’m broken again.
A guitar chord,
she sings whispering,
a sweet smile on his face,
the hope of being loved by him.
They dance in the night.
They dance in the night.
Such an unusual sight,
a drum phases in,
then silence and her prayer.
A tragedy far beyond you and me.
The water from the sky melts together with our tears,
all I can feel,
is that I’m broken.
Give me a handshake,
can I get used to to my life?
Lose the will to fight?
The one word we use the most is “goodbye”,
trying to be kind,
he smokes too much,
his lungs are black,
I ear his coughs, the phlegm he spits,
a venom in his body.
The words he said to me.
And I was broken.
“I’m ashamed of you”
“What I’ve done?”
“I can’t look at you”
Flowers bloom from the snow,
I can see them push to breathe,
I am yours,
if you don’t question my faith.
I love like a human being,
I want to fell happy like a child,
understand that my life has a meaning.
I’m not broken anymore.
A return to the origin,
the opening of the breach,
a little crack in a huge time armor.
Time won’t set,
time doesn’t change,
time doesn’t heal scars.
I got to this by opening the door,
opening my soul,
feeling a deep storm within.
A cliff made of souls,
waves beating down those black rocks.
I’m trapped into the net,
and I need solid ground, balance.
Your face cheers me on the beach,
a familiar smile,
a voice that I can trust.
A deep inner imbalance melts itself into empathy,
a love never loved,
your face is still clear, after all,
you’re a drawing carved in my skin.
I’m still here remembering the exciting perfume of your skin,
a perfume attached on me.
I was smelling right where you walked by,
waiting impatiently for one, single, little embrace,
observing the littleness of your movements,
figuring out how would have been to get lighted up by such a glimmering shining source of light.
Stories surround me,
I’m surprised by their unattended power,
while I can feel heavy steps breaking the flux up,
a prison that you can watch,
you can watch my words.
Tears in the darkness of my throat,
tears casted in the deep again,
a feeling that I wanted to cry out,
that I wanted to confess to you, leaning on you.
I was staring in your eyes.
My own self, my own inner father has stopped me.
The wall has raised.
I am looking for something, I am looking for an embrace,
but I’m searching for something else,
I want to go further,
I want your arms,
a fence around my wall,
a chink, a fall
an important difference.
Do you feel like loitering far away?
You feel isolate, on the outer side of the events.
But we are on two different sides,
we distance from each other everyday,
we carry on on faraway patterns, with no connections.
Your hope is a dead end,
tears in the rain,
a closure, the growth of the parasite.
I feel an indescribable littleness,
while I watch this screaming paper,
listening the sirens of the bombs on the other side of the sea,
cut off arms, blood flowing.
In violence’s absurd game,
I feel a distance from humanity,
when I watch its incapacity to accept.
What’s the reason of stepping on each other?
What’s the the point to kill another soul?
Why do we have to live in desperation?
Wars that I don’t understand,
stupid, fool human reality,
imperfect destiny’s mistake,
illogical creatures with no consciousness or morality,
grains of cosmic dust,
crumbs in the never-ending blue of sky,
conquerors of plastic goals.
The city pulsates, cruel in its terrific height,
cold like ice, like a blade on the skin.
A machine-gun. Shots.
Other steps, other interruptions.
I just wish to be a decent man,
I just wish to be accepted.
On a river,
The sun is setting red,
Carrying my emotions on a rising moon.
Darkness surrounds me,
And I’m deep into sadness.
A choir of voices keeps my mind open,
While I sail far away from my world,
Wishin’ to find a holding hand for my sorrow.
A slow blade is cutting deep my flesh
Will I be able to hold this pain forever?
My hand is shakin’ for the chillin’ wind,
Forcing me to close my eyes.
Is this path safe?
Or is just drivin’ me to a waterfall?
A pitch dark deep hole in which I will lose my mind.
The ship won’t stop.
When I lay here,
beaten up by the vibes of a strange rhythm.
Looking for a touch I will never allow, breaking the rules we created,
turned up by the clouds.
Dreaming of a future far away,
hugged together in the silver moonlight, floating in the fresh air,
enjoying the blue of the night,
We’re just wondering to care for each other,
6 hours ago we were just shadows in the multitude.
While my head turns fast,
drunk in a sudden feeling I wasn’t expecting.
Is that the danger I was waiting for?
Just tell me I’ll be able to control it,
to be as I’d like to be.
As words go by,
and the view becomes clearer,
I just want to be embraced by a dream.
I’m addicted to my loneliness,
to my safe refuge.
Will I allow you to touch me?
I know you’re a risk,
I know that you could make me lose my balance.
A beat in the dark,
the words of the Queen.
A pale statue-like face staring in the void.
Her skin looks like porcelain,
as silence becomes an unbearable relief.
I don’t know you.
I’m stuck in fears.
My heart doesn’t know love anymore,
slow down, slow down.
Breathe. A slow motion kiss.
Steal his mind while she sings,
she is my blackbird,
a call from the deepest corner of this existence.
I listen to the resonance,
a drop falls into the sea,
stardust in my eyes.
Eternity built through steel and glass,
the fragile sense of our lives,
the sun that hits.
Prison’s guard holding me down,
I don’t want to be controlled by the ticking of the clock,
blue skies are my saviors.
The flight of fantasy, I fly into imagination,
till the gate closes,
and still she sings.
In the absolute meaning of what it has been between us,
your voice is quite blurred, far away.
The snow that you were.
A novel’s first words,
a long-lasting research.
Vibrations in the thick, humid air.
A voice rises up, white and floating, in the artificial light,
while the blue bar takes with itself these irreplaceable moments.
A guitar chord, G major,
a gospel choir, looking for a spirituality that doesn’t exists,
while observing the darkness in the abyss, where I will fall, never ending.
Friends that come and go, like shadows blinded by summer,
empty words with no meaning,
dead souls’ stunned faces.
Sand under my shoes, the artist’s delirium.
An agitation without ending,
the trembling feeling watching the blank page.
beauty comes from across the screen,
without touching, day after day.
A spar, a prison with a window in the corner.
You and me.
The perfect circle, torn apart by life, by snow,
the street that goes on pitiless till the end of times,
society that destroys itself,
humans, that repeat their mistakes once again, the terror, blood.
Stab him! Stab him and bathe your hands in his blood!
He loves you more than ever, he’ll die for you, he wants to do it.
Drown him. Tie him up and drown him alive, choke your feeling.
The perfect day, dreams enclosed in a moment,
seconds that won’t never return,
time’s inevitability, existence’s shortness.
I’m already in the coffin waiting for the judgement,
the shadow of the End looms over.
Prickly people, do you get enraged for a missed celebration?
In the meantime all the rest burns out! And you attack, you like to be mean, you like to be bitter.
To suffer like this for the artifice of human life, for the artifice of immortality.
Run, run, explode, connect yourself, quick! Fast!
Elegy of slowness.
Elegy of solitude.
Elegy of the blue of sky, of starlight, pieces of infinite that drill the dark veil,
the fire cracking in the dead of the night.
Elegy of madness. Elegy of freakiness! Be freak! What’s the meaning to normality?
I will always be a shadow, a resenting soul.
I will always look for a security that doesn’t belong to me, I will lose myself in the dreams of a life.
Bomb me with your words!
Save me with a cuddle.
I observe the kindness of the injustice,
the malice laughter on the faces of people don’t understand its valor,
human nature turning against itself,
the artificial system, the ice age.
A gigantic wave in the nordic sea.
The love that remains, that make mountains crumble down,
without love, without life, cities that worship flesh,
cathedrals made of rotten human corpses, ants that exult in their stink
Dream, a majestic dream,
the path that leads to light, through the trees.
The delicate touch of your hand,
you, your face surrounded by the Sun,
me, delighted by the beauty of your Being,
I finally know that my sentiment is legitimated.
Here, at the end of all things, I know that I can love like everyone else,
even if you cried on my shoulder, even if my loving makes sad,
even if the peak becomes steep,
holding the hand of the Star I know that there’s no gender for this feeling.
Lay with me on the humid ground, let’s get dirty before the ending of the day,
kiss me while you cry tears of joy,
while we own something that the Others won’t never understand.
“I exist”. I’ve fought for this.
Canada, Germany, Holland, Iceland, Sweden, a midsummer night’s dream,
the people I love.
A flight over hopes that crush against life’s glass wall.
The cry of who doesn’t have anything,
the empty bowl of the boy that begs me for a coin, me, turning and walking by,
system’s artificial perfection, swallowing us in its fiction,
your will to trap happiness, nature’s purity.
I float high, towards the enormous blue sky, towards the cosmos, the absence of gravity,
don’t you want to slow down for a while? Understanding our reality, what’s the meaning in shooting against me, jail me, cry on me, throw out your repulsion, cry, take back, rape, kill, hit with stones, choke, squeeze?
Above me, Past Myth’s weight remains, words that won’t ever get old,
dreamers, wonderful crazy people!
Being isolated isn’t easy, no one understands the obsession about that freedom that everyone is certain to have.
They sell their souls, dead hearts given up to immortality, shot through a tunnel that seems without an exit.
I wait patiently for the day when I’ll be able to smile,
when I’ll be able to stop folding paper, to count to five, to listen to your threats, to face the Demon that dwells in my head.
Higher, between the evening lights, glacier’s glare, twilight’s red shade. Higher, in the deadly silence of the clouds, I become poorer and smaller, hiding in nimbus’ basalt,
observing Gaya’s tendons stretch amid sky’s carousel,
hugging your profile, wishing to touch you once again,
melting in a freedom that the others, locked on the ground, can’t even imagine.
A story that we see everyday,
A voice telling stories that will soon be forgotten.
Teams falling down, a result.
He speaks, I hear jingles.
Meanwhile a rusty singer spreads her wings,
trying to let the dust down.
Am I that dazed?
Watching the world from a distance,
waiting to be hit.
Is this the right way of living?
Always waiting for tomorrow,
for what comes next.
The world is an isolated cocoon,
where we feel immortal.
There’s no meaning to this artificial suffering,
this pain crafted through the centuries,
rules that don’t exist.
An inevitable crumbling, the illusion, the ruin.
In the littleness of my existence,
lost in space, caged in the middle of the galaxies, floating in the cosmic velvet.
I want to watch it the perfect aerial view.
Looking for a meaning to it all,
to my life, to my lust, to my love, locked somewhere.
Because it’s love that rules the world.
The smile of perfection on your face, the tenderness,
the end of every fear.
To get lost in something that’s just too much.
The wave. And then all I’d like to do is crying,
while you smile to me, while you mend my wounded skin.
My father runs the prison, beats in the cloudy evening.
Love is dead, I don’t know who I am,
the journey home looks never-ending,
white lights in the gray thin air,
violins tearing my empty heart apart.
Alone in the meaningful absence of another human being, cracking up in all these feelings,
building up the Wall, high, impenetrable, frightful.
Little glimpses of light are absorbed by steel, time, and the lies I tell myself.
A red ‘E’ hanging on the wall,
the heat suffocates me.
My eyes are cascading,
words that are a whirlwind, a mess, an undistinguished murmur.
How can they speak about that all the time? How can they just talk like this?
I feel on the outside, I don’t want to be like them.
They don’t want to meet me,
that smile could be my safety, but I will never be brave enough to open my mouth.
A red beard. A vanishing face, bloddy lips.
I don’t want to get out of this safe refuge.
I want to touch their skin, I want to be their head, I want the peace and joy and quietness in their mind.
The strength of their means, no uncertainties.
Neons, my eyelids are heavy.
Smile for me, without knowing that I’m watching you,
your big arms shine as a safe harbor.
I’m ashamed, wrong, the fag you hate.
The judgement of the world is smashing my sensations.