Archivi Blog

Spark

My mind is filled with thoughts,

then in the moment of writing,

a nothingness catches my heart paralyzing my hands.

I watch the blank page,

waiting for words to flow, to throw out, to describe my world,

what my eyes see around me.

And it feels like I’m fighting a lost battle,

it feels like my dreams dry in the sun,

drop by drop they all flow back into my heart,

and I would like to scream out,

Stop! Come out!

Let me get relief from my demons,

let me feel that I’m good at something!

Let me be able to harshly describe my deepest feelings,

with no pity, with no remorse.

Getting hope from the blue sky,

getting shattered by my family’s refusal.

I want to see hope between the burning flames,

I want to walk under a sky that is my sky, my world, my life, built with my own hands!

I am going insane, hallelujah!

Am I lost out at sea?

I’m floating through life’s pattern,

my hand is ready to be held,

to return the warmth to sender.

I’m ready to get read,

these words will reach nobody’s heart,

but it’s not a good reason to give up.

Deep down, beyond all darkness,

at the end of every little path,

a light shines, a spark of hope that I have to follow still remains,

beyond all sufferings and absurdities,

that little flickering light calls me.

And while I walk this path alone,

I see people stuck in their own prisons,

incapable to smile, to feel something,

to open their hearts.

That’s when I smile,

and I become aware that this is the right direction.

The Last Grip

A hug from a distance,
a warmness that lasts a minute,
the cold of winter surrounding our naked bodies.
You turn on the other side,
and I follow the strange presence of a body,
a warm human body next to mine.
Your kisses are full of heaven,
but inside I burn of emptiness,
while your smile was everything I wanted to see,
on that cold, dark night.
Just for one little time, just on that moment.
And I promise you that I won’t try it anymore,
I won’t dream of me and you anymore,
I will just turn away from your story.
My destiny is far away,
the long-needed separation is behind the corner,
the challenge.
I’m starving of being good at something,
the accent I can’t understand,
the automatic response of my brain.
A future, from where I will be able to watch that single night,
smile at it, write to you,
and find that same old fragile tension.
The last hopes that hold me here,
thin ropes about to stretch and break,
letting me free to fly in the warmer air of the path,
all dreams funnel on iron wings,
in the sun, in the brilliance I can see under palm trees,
other people, other fears,
and in dreams, I’m sure I will still hold your warm hands,
my last rope,
my last invisible grip.

Góðafoss

Drunken and sleepy,
but not tired enough to fall into oblivion.
Waking is the deepest pain, it cuts and hurts,
because I long for your body next to mine.
I hate feeling so alone,
I’d like to have the privilege to love you,
to give you everything I can.

I don’t want to sleep,
I don’t want to live another empty day.
Where’s the adventure? Where’s the wanderlust?
Around the world looking for myself.
What am I?
I am a man, I am gay and I’m stronger than before.
This love cuts, I want to be your life support,
but all I get is silence.

Your smile is a memory now,
a figure walking on the street when I drove away,
knowing that probably that would have been our last kiss.
Give me the chance to kiss you once again.
The sky is dawning,
and I’m loitering. I just think about your smile,
and my mind takes flight.

I wonder, if you think of me sometimes.
Oh I’m such a fool to dream so big after such a small time,
I’m not the best into self-control.
Hug me, kiss me don’t give up on me.
Let our lips meet again, our hands crook into each other,
speak to me.
Will you be the light on my path?
I just lay here waiting for an answer,
in the warm dawn of the new day.

Dazed awakening,
the first thought is you,
defending the purity of the night under this pouring rain,
but all I grab is nothingness, not even a trace.
Maybe I’m just not enough, for you,
Maybe you got scared, by me,
Everything is possible,
but I get nothing at all.
And in a desperate moment of pleasure,
I was crazy enough to think you’d have loved me too.

I cannot smile anymore,
I cannot search for someone else right now,
my senses fail, because all I want to hold and see and speak to, is you.
Foolish love, damned heart.
Why do you crumble down so easily?
I am calm on the surface,
but deep down, I’m screaming.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHHH

CALM ——————

——————– SCREAM

AAAAAAAAH!

This pain I’m feeling in my soul, the chance I won’t have with you.
I’m forcing myself to think positive,
to convince myself that you’ll return to me,
that you will contact me once again,
that you won’t forget me.

I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN,
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN,
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN,
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN,
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN
I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN

But in the morning, while I hear the rain falling down, is your quick appearance in my life that I miss the most.
I don’t want this prophecy to come true,
I will keep on repeating those nice words to me,
an hypnotic moaning.
The voice that won’t ever return.
I’m stronger than before. I’m stronger than before.

I will see you again.
And however, independently from what will happen,
I will never forget you,
I will always dream to have you near me,
I will always be waiting for you.

But since this target looks useless, as I cannot control your mind,
all I can do is to breathe, recall the touch of your hands,
enjoy this memory, knowing that it was perfect,
pure and absolute.
I touched perfection and nirvana, with you.
This was real, absolutely real,
and that’s the only truth, the only thing I can rely on.
I will see you again.

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