While my own skin betrays me,
and words of hate have been said from their mouth,
a shut up mouth, an ignoring mouth, a sealed mouth,
I feel that I exist at last.
They can’t destroy my being with their denial,
they can’t change who I would like to love.
I will wave my flag,
I will stop blaming myself for my mistakes,
and one day, maybe really soon, this boy will be fine.
My mind is filled with thoughts,
then in the moment of writing,
a nothingness catches my heart paralyzing my hands.
I watch the blank page,
waiting for words to flow, to throw out, to describe my world,
what my eyes see around me.
And it feels like I’m fighting a lost battle,
it feels like my dreams dry in the sun,
drop by drop they all flow back into my heart,
and I would like to scream out,
Stop! Come out!
Let me get relief from my demons,
let me feel that I’m good at something!
Let me be able to harshly describe my deepest feelings,
with no pity, with no remorse.
Getting hope from the blue sky,
getting shattered by my family’s refusal.
I want to see hope between the burning flames,
I want to walk under a sky that is my sky, my world, my life, built with my own hands!
I am going insane, hallelujah!
Am I lost out at sea?
I’m floating through life’s pattern,
my hand is ready to be held,
to return the warmth to sender.
I’m ready to get read,
these words will reach nobody’s heart,
but it’s not a good reason to give up.
Deep down, beyond all darkness,
at the end of every little path,
a light shines, a spark of hope that I have to follow still remains,
beyond all sufferings and absurdities,
that little flickering light calls me.
And while I walk this path alone,
I see people stuck in their own prisons,
incapable to smile, to feel something,
to open their hearts.
That’s when I smile,
and I become aware that this is the right direction.
A return to the origin,
the opening of the breach,
a little crack in a huge time armor.
Time won’t set,
time doesn’t change,
time doesn’t heal scars.
I got to this by opening the door,
opening my soul,
feeling a deep storm within.
A cliff made of souls,
waves beating down those black rocks.
I’m trapped into the net,
and I need solid ground, balance.
Your face cheers me on the beach,
a familiar smile,
a voice that I can trust.
A deep inner imbalance melts itself into empathy,
a love never loved,
your face is still clear, after all,
you’re a drawing carved in my skin.
I’m still here remembering the exciting perfume of your skin,
a perfume attached on me.
I was smelling right where you walked by,
waiting impatiently for one, single, little embrace,
observing the littleness of your movements,
figuring out how would have been to get lighted up by such a glimmering shining source of light.
Stories surround me,
I’m surprised by their unattended power,
while I can feel heavy steps breaking the flux up,
a prison that you can watch,
you can watch my words.
Tears in the darkness of my throat,
tears casted in the deep again,
a feeling that I wanted to cry out,
that I wanted to confess to you, leaning on you.
I was staring in your eyes.
My own self, my own inner father has stopped me.
The wall has raised.
I am looking for something, I am looking for an embrace,
but I’m searching for something else,
I want to go further,
I want your arms,
a fence around my wall,
a chink, a fall
an important difference.
Do you feel like loitering far away?
You feel isolate, on the outer side of the events.
But we are on two different sides,
we distance from each other everyday,
we carry on on faraway patterns, with no connections.
Your hope is a dead end,
tears in the rain,
a closure, the growth of the parasite.
I feel an indescribable littleness,
while I watch this screaming paper,
listening the sirens of the bombs on the other side of the sea,
cut off arms, blood flowing.
In violence’s absurd game,
I feel a distance from humanity,
when I watch its incapacity to accept.
What’s the reason of stepping on each other?
What’s the the point to kill another soul?
Why do we have to live in desperation?
Wars that I don’t understand,
stupid, fool human reality,
imperfect destiny’s mistake,
illogical creatures with no consciousness or morality,
grains of cosmic dust,
crumbs in the never-ending blue of sky,
conquerors of plastic goals.
The city pulsates, cruel in its terrific height,
cold like ice, like a blade on the skin.
A machine-gun. Shots.
Other steps, other interruptions.
I just wish to be a decent man,
I just wish to be accepted.
We’re just wondering to care for each other,
6 hours ago we were just shadows in the multitude.
While my head turns fast,
drunk in a sudden feeling I wasn’t expecting.
Is that the danger I was waiting for?
Just tell me I’ll be able to control it,
to be as I’d like to be.
As words go by,
and the view becomes clearer,
I just want to be embraced by a dream.
I’m addicted to my loneliness,
to my safe refuge.
Will I allow you to touch me?
I know you’re a risk,
I know that you could make me lose my balance.
A beat in the dark,
the words of the Queen.
A pale statue-like face staring in the void.
Her skin looks like porcelain,
as silence becomes an unbearable relief.
I don’t know you.
I’m stuck in fears.
My heart doesn’t know love anymore,
slow down, slow down.
Breathe. A slow motion kiss.