Fear of Love

Your face smiling from a diagram of lives,
I look at you,
I don’t feel nothing,
useless lust lost in the fog of this week,
Christmas lights flickering in the new twilight.
Time slows down now,
memories that give me nausea,
a face like yours.

Yours.
Y
o
URS. US. U. S. My shield.

Another voice.
Silence.
Beat.
Refusal.
Stay away.
No pleasure.
And I’m afraid of love,
My walls are high around me,
they will defend my bleeding heart.

A touch that hurts,
tears dried as we tore apart,
words written in a chemical madness,
your will to touch me.
Closure. Stay away from me.
Don’t make this shiny armor explode. *
I *
——————————————————— * * * *
Explosion.
And if you want to skim over my soul,
please do that gently,
then lay me down and disappear,
give me the best memory,
I won’t never cry for you,
but I will fly away.
No love lost,
It still feels hard.

And I remember once upon a time,
wasting lovers every night,
bored at heart,
needing tenderness on the surface,
I would have waited for you;
and if you think of me once in a while,
I will keep our dearest memories in my heart.

Gravity

Quietly stealing time,

from a stream of consciousness,

which leads me to an unknown shore,

adrift.

 

You and your thoughts,

laughing at the sea,

open the door for a little while,

fear the sound of silence.

 

Gravity,

come crash my voice,

in a nifty resonance.

And the bottle of wine is poured out,

while my feet flee.

 

Away.

Away from my mirror.

I will fly, exhausted, till my will is strong enough.

Gravity. Words are fallinʼ.

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Compassion

Nothing but telling stories,
in the blurry sunset of this foggy day,
please show me some compassion,
let me slide in the space between,
letters appearing in the white,
it’s the best thing I can do,
please show me some compassion,
while I’m stuck in my little space,
aside, aside, push me aside,
losing love, anger grows,
no chances on the horizon,
wounded hearts can change,
walking on the shore,
sunset, red sun, wishing words,
please show me some compassion,
tell me that you wanna go home.

Another Evening

The movie’s over,
silence in the black of night,
this disguise is too tight for me.
Writing words I don’t really mean,
listening to an instinct I can’t control,
while music plays in my head.
An origin I can’t deny,
an identity that I won’t ever have,
a future decided by the place where I’m born,
a future well out of hand.
Life looks like a glimpse of light,
days go by like lightning waiting to rest.
What’s this glimmering for?
what’s the sense of this struggling?
To find pure pearls of light somewhere,
signs of a so-blinding beauty,
that’s worth a ride, and a tale, and a story.
I want to tell the stories of those pearls,
I want to get lost in the fog,
dance in the rain,
throw away the umbrella and let my tears melt away.

The Silence

The cold bites my body,
a sense of loneliness,
that I would have never thought to feel,
her abandon. She cries like a baby.
I try to look for a place to hide,
but the only solution would be to get under the covers,
receive the warmth of the night,
release my body through the land of dreams,
instead of resisting here,
to fake the existence while I want for a change,
and I share some words with a far-away soul.
Parallel lines,
or points heading to a crash?
Then, after the smoke will be swept away,
and the riot will begin,
what will you do?
Where will you take shelter?
Under the table ice is consolidating in huge buckets,
Silence.
Words left alone.
The desire of feeling a human body close to mine,
the sudden feeling of an arm around my chest.
Other noises, other silences.
She sleeps, she hopes to wake up to a greener world,
while I wake up feeling the blue.
Then I build up my smile,
try to be strong through the day,
telling me endlessly: you are you,
you fell into the greatest mistake of your life,
allowing an unintelligible destiny
to chain my wings to the ground,
allowing my brain not to run away,
to tell you that I loved you.
But I lied..
Why? Still I ask myself why.
Then path became slippery,
and I followed the flow,
but inside, that chance, that flight that I should have caught,

is still there waiting for me.
Wait for me!
Wait for me!
Wait for me!
Still silence,
undeniable silence.
The blinding smile of a perfection behind the screen.
Kiss him,
stop to cry,
wipe away your tears.
Stand up.

Bloom

A simple request from you,
a smell reaching my nose,
I’m broken.
I trust the words I’ve been spoken,
can you give me a glimpse of hope?
Traveling on the rainy road,
in the flashing light of the cars,
staring at the blue of the sky,
that sad gray nuance I get used to.

Autumn,
intense colors hit my sight,
friends and frozen moments.
I can’t believe you’re not by my side anymore,
and I’m broken again.
A guitar chord,
she sings whispering,
a sweet smile on his face,
the hope of being loved by him.
They dance in the night.

They dance in the night.
Such an unusual sight,
a drum phases in,
then silence and her prayer.
A tragedy far beyond you and me.
The water from the sky melts together with our tears,
all I can feel,
is that I’m broken.
Give me a handshake,
can I get used to to my life?
Lose the will to fight?

The one word we use the most is “goodbye”,
trying to be kind,
he smokes too much,
his lungs are black,
I ear his coughs, the phlegm he spits,
a venom in his body.
The words he said to me.
And I was broken.
“I’m ashamed of you”
“What I’ve done?”
“I can’t look at you”

Flowers bloom from the snow,
I can see them push to breathe,
I am yours,
if you don’t question my faith.
I love like a human being,
I want to fell happy like a child,
understand that my life has a meaning.
I’ve bloomed.
I’m not broken anymore.

Düsseldorf

I don’t know what you see,
a frightened child,
a smiling sunflower ready to be caught?
I see the arms I used to love,
and I’m just reading out your words,
wishing to have another chance to be kissed again.

And I just wish a change of season,
looking through maroon falling leaves,
leaving traces on the ground,
leaving paths you can follow.
You told me to be strong,
but all I got is a voice.

Spectators of the turning of the tables,
standing still in the bruising poignant neon bedrooms,
violence all around us,
a gate getting closed by my grandmother,
her voice, her wartime stories,
fear, fascists bursting into her house.

Then I see a whore, in the daylight,
a sad story on her shoulder,
haggling with a young man about her price.
He drives away.
I walk by to avoid the sadness that I feel in my heart.
A dog is barking in the distance.

Then my secret love,
a passion dried out,
the world enclosed in my dark secret place,
how we laughed on that summer day,
how we kissed each other in the sunlight,
the sensation of living something somehow unique.

Then the hustling of the city,
the tower standing out against the blue of the sky,
a silver sphere where I would have liked to go,
curved houses erected on the canal,
a cold, freezing wind is howling,
while the sun sets and I walk away.

The heart troubles in the night,
I remember how much I longed for a sign,
and now I can just wonder who I am,
who we are,
caught in the whistle.
But in the darkness I recognize that something’s missing.

While I wait for a change,
as illusions fade away as the tether between us,
and I grow stronger and well-aware that you weren’t the one for me,
I listen to my father grumbling, crying out his own unhappiness.
His misfortune, the disgrace to have had a gay son,
the tragedy that he lives everyday.

I know that the wounds on my skin are healing,
as I write this lines the murmuring is just a shadow
and all I need is a warm embrace.
All I need are two arms protecting me from the world,
while I dance in my own tears,
and my feet freeze.

A distant world,
a blue sphere dancing in the blackness,
an immortal, unbreakable silence,
the prince and the patrol by my side,
looking for something to revive the magic,
in the valley of forbidden sounds.

The city pulses in its hectic life,
a million stories collide for a moment,
I see people talking,
and I’d like to know everything about them,
I see lips producing words,
and I’d like to kiss them all.

Then I see the lips that I liked to kiss,
then I remember our bodies touching,
how you confessed me your secrets,
then your smiles.
White blinding light,
the warmth I was looking for.

Confusion

My mind looms over the fog,

like a barrier between me and the world,

a desire of intimacy that still lingers in my heart,

your fingers I once crooked are touching my soul,

and there’s an image you created,

a galilean joke that you appreciate,

while the silence goes on,

even in this sunny autumn day.

A day where I’d like to forget about life,

because I don’t know what I’m looking for.

Whatever it is, I’ve not found it yet.

Should I look for something better?

Should I search among the bluest skies?

An old-time movie plays on the background,

memories of a time not-so-far, not-so-near,

a time when I was just a wish, a desire of a woman,

What were you thinking?

That’s just confusion,

Cnqighakgnwesnbjsbngjaerdhjkzbskghaszjkdgbugb.

Nonsense becomes sense,

embrace me and never let me go,

fulfill the ocean in my lungs,

make me breathe the purest thin air.

CONFUSION!

Let me wrap my hands around your neck,

let me kiss your lips once again,

let me go away and live far away from here,

let me gather intentions on a line.

All I want is to smile again,

a change. Am I really good at change?

What’s change?

I’d change everything, but it won’t change nothing.

Alas, I want hope.

Embrace me. Let me breath.

Take Shelter

The desire of having you for a night,

sunlight that makes this day bearable,

a sincere smile from another human being,

the cruel world we live in.

Kill the bear, make him suffer,

slaughter his puppies,

grab the treasure.

Put a smile on his dead face,

and enjoy the gold you achieved.

 

Clouds gathering,

a storm is coming,

guns are feasting,

thunders are roaring.

I’m hungry.

Kill the man,

kill the dream,

far from home,

far from me.

 

Words collapsing,

taking ti

m

e,

sun’s flare on the blue planet,

today, a cool wind’s blowing,

creating a hideaway from all this,

I can’t believe this love was an illusion,

but this silence is deadlier as a desert highway in the coldest winter.

 

Our planet is sick,

I’m drawn, make it to me.

Set the fire, prepare dinner in the afternoon,

waste time.

What’s time?

A convention, an idea, a system, a waiting game.

A love lasted three days, pure perfection of life’s turning point.

We weren’t an illusion,

we were true. We were just me and you.

Evening

Your presence still lingers around me,
I find myself singing the music we sang when we were together,
I’m still waiting patiently for you to see,
how much I loved you.
So tired of this lonely air,
Watching shadows and people pass by.
Drums played by a broken heart,
a rhythm I’m trying to breathe.
It doesn’t matter if you return to me,
you set me free,
and the love we lived has been so pure,
that I can just say thank you to you.
In my hands shines the gold your skin released,
in my mind the smiles we shared are blinding stars,
When we kissed in the sunset, in water,
When you embraced me so tight I was sure you’d have been mine forever,
when you kissed me goodbye.
You refuse to see this,
so don’t see it anymore,
I’ll keep the fire burning,
waiting for the next step,
remembering your sweet eyes,
crying for them for good.

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